The Emotional Toll of Moving a Loved One to a Care Home

When Home Is Left Behind

Hey, Hey Everyone,

A few years ago my family made the tough but necessary decision to move my grandmoma from her beloved home to a senior community where she could receive round-the-clock care. I helped with the researching and narrowing down of appropriate options for her, and I'm happy to report that my grandmoma is doing quite well: getting the socialization and medical attention she needs. 

And although there definitely was a learning curve in the beginning, we all eventually adjusted and she's thriving, y'all. 

If you’ve ever experienced this-- moving a parent or loved one from their home into an assisted living or nursing home, you know what I'm talking about when I say it’s a deep emotional shift that touches everyone involved.

Working in the wellness field (primarily with seniors), and supporting families through transitions like this leaves me privy to seeing the emotional toll big moves like this can have, particularly to the ones giving up their old lives and essentially, their independence. 

The decision is often made with love and concern, but it can still feel like a loss for your loved one, and for you. This emotional response is known as transfer trauma, and it’s something many families aren’t familiar with until they’re in the thick of it all.

What Is Transfer Trauma?

Transfer trauma (or relocation stress syndrome) refers to the emotional and psychological distress that older adults may experience when moving from their home into a new care environment, especially when the move is sudden or out of their control.

According to Dr. Nicholas Carte of Southern New Hampshire University, 20% to 30% of older adults show signs of transfer trauma after such a move. That statistic might seem like just a number, but if you’ve ever watched someone you love lose their sense of place, it's a very real phenomena.

What Transfer Trauma Can Look Like

• Spending more time alone in their room

• Seeming quieter or more withdrawn than usual

• Having trouble sleeping, eating less, or feeling tired all the time

• Saying things like “I just want to go home”

• Wandering

These signs can be subtle, but y'all, they matter, and often point to something deeper like grief, confusion, or even fear-- all of which are valid responses to such a big life change.

Why the Move Is So Hard

One of the biggest reasons this transition is so hard is because of what home represents. Think about it. What does your home mean to you?? It isn’t just a place; it’s comfort, familiarity, safety, and routine. It’s the place where your loved one raised a family, celebrated holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. 

Home is where they built their life. And losing that, especially quickly or unexpectedly, can feel like losing a part of themselves. I mean, it can truly be traumatizing.

And it’s not just emotional. For some older adults, the stress of it all can worsen physical health conditions or cognitive issues, expediting things like memory loss. 

That’s why it’s so important to handle the transition with as much care and preparation as possible.

Ways to Ease the Transition

I’ve learned over the years a few gentle but powerful ways to help your loved one feel supported:

1. Talk early and often
Even if the move is urgent, try to keep communication open. Let your loved one know what’s happening and why, in a calm and respectful way. Speak with love and empathy, not pressure.

2. If possible, involve them in the process
Super important! Giving your loved one some sort of control, whether it’s visiting the facility in advance, choosing their new room, and/or packing their favorite belongings, this helps reduce their fears and builds trust in you and the transition process.

3. Bring their home with them
Familiar items can bring huge comfort, so pack that favorite blanket, family photos, their beloved chair. Creating a space that feels like “theirs” makes a world of difference in easing their transition.

4. Stay connected
Call, visit, send letters and cards, bring their favorite meals and desserts. Let them know that you haven't abandoned them, that you’re still there, and still invested in their well-being. Your presence reminds them that they’re not alone in this.

5. Encourage routine and connection
Work with the nursing and activities staff to help them find their rhythm. This could be joining exercise classes, bingo or card games, attending music or movie gatherings, or just getting outside for some fresh air. Familiar routines and social interaction can create and restore a sense of stability.

6. Honor their story
This one’s close to my heart. Don’t let the world shrink their identity! Share memories. Ask questions. Listen. Let them feel seen and heard, not just cared for. 

7. Don’t be afraid to ask for help
If the emotional toll feels too heavy for you or your loved one, lean on professionals. Many senior communities have counselors, social workers, or chaplains who are trained to help families navigate the weight of such changes.

💜💛💚

This is a New Chapter, Not an Ending

It’s easy to see this kind of move as a final chapter, but it doesn’t have to be. With patience, love, support, and intentional care, this can be a new beginning, like it was for my grandmoma, one that offered her safety, new connections, and moments of joy, even if they were small at first.

And remember that it’s okay if this feels hard initially, because it is hard. But approaching this transition with empathy is necessary for them to feel grounded in their new home, not just dumped or relocated. Ya know? 

With your help they can feel like this is a new chapter to their life and not an ending.

EM

SOURCES:

• Finney, E., Director of Memory Care, Inspir Carnegie Hall

• Carte, N., Southern New Hampshire University

• Small, G., Hackensack Meridian School of Medicine
  

• National Institute on Aging

REFERENCES:

Transfer Trauma: The Emotional Toll of Moving to a Care Facility (nextavenue.org)