The Challenges & Misconceptions of Compassion Fatigue
& Ways to Care for Yourself
Hi again, Y'all.
You don't know this about me, but my mother has been diligently caring for my grandmother in her later years. And long before that, my grandmother had cared for her mother when she got older as well, providing what she could, because that's just what you did.
It was like a quiet, unspoken matriarchal tradition we've never really questioned.
Being someone's caregiver, their sole caregiver that is, comes with alot of responsibility and is a huge weight to carry, often leading to burnout and compassion fatigue. Because of years of experience working with continuing care/long-term care clients and my close proximity to family caregivers, I'm aware of this.
But let's talk about just how challenging this selfless responsibility really is.
"Why isn't anybody really discussing the anxiety, stress, guilt, grief, and everything that underlies caregiving because it's uncomfortable?"
Powerful question!
And I can guarantee it echoes the experiences of hundreds of caregivers, many of whom (my mom and grandmother before her included), are silently carrying the weight of exhaustion, guilt, and grief.
And although caregiving for an aging parent or loved one is seen as an "act of love", "family duty," or both, those words alone can't begin to describe the complex emotional, physical, and mental toll that caregiving demands of the giver.
Many caregivers say things like, "I'm drowning, and I don't know why I'm drowning."
But society often overlooks their struggles. And then, after caregiving ends, people assume the challenges magically disappear, but that isn't the case either. As one caregiver put it, "I had people say, 'Well, aren't you happy now you’ve got your life back?' But my life is completely different than when I started caregiving."
The stress, health changes, and emotional scars don't just disappear because the role has.
What Is Caregiver Fatigue?
Frankly put... Caregiver fatigue is a deep, bone-tired exhaustion that goes beyond being “just tired.” It’s emotional, it's mental, and it's physical burnout, the result of giving so, so much of yourself day after day, often without much time for yourself.
In my family, we were taught to care without complaint- you just did it. But we weren’t exactly taught how to rest, how to ask for help, or how to admit that this caregiving is taking an enormous toll on our lives and wellbeing.
Common Misconceptions We Need to Break
- "Caregiving is just part of being a good child or spouse."
While caregiving is often an act of love, that doesn’t erase the fact that it is hard work that requires support, rest, and resources.
- "If you feel exhausted, you’re not strong enough."
Caregiver fatigue isn’t about weakness. It’s a natural response to chronic stress, high demands, and often little rest. Shoot, you can be loving and exhausted at the same time! You can be both dedicated to caregiving and in need of some help...
- "When it's over, you’ll bounce back; you'll be free."
Well, not so fast. Many caregivers experience long-term physical and emotional health effects long after their caregiving duties are over.
Caregiver Stress & the Risk of Elder Abuse
We can't ignore this hard truth, Y'all...
Caregiver burnout, when left unaddressed, can lead to neglect or mistreatment, sometimes unintentional, but harmful either way.
When caregivers are constantly overwhelmed, isolated, and unsupported, the risk of elder abuse increases. Now, that doesn’t mean the caregiver is a bad person, it simply means they're human. Even the National Center on Elder Abuse (NCEA) emphasizes that most caregivers never intend harm, but notes that caregiving under high stress without relief or assistance can increase the risk of abusive situations.
There should be no shame in talking about these issues, and we can focus on prevention of elder abuse through education, support, and rest.
Caring for Yourself
Simple Self-Care Practices That Help:
- Ask for help early and often. Whether it’s family, friends, or professional respite services, let people know what you need.
- Take breaks without guilt. Even 10 quiet minutes with a cup of tea can recharge your spirit.
- Talk about it. Find a support group or a friend who truly listens. Sharing your feelings lifts the isolation.
- Protect your own health. Caregiver stress can take a toll. Go to your check-ups. Move your body. Rest when you can.
Trusted Resources for Support
- Family Caregiver Alliance
Topics like Caregiving and Ambiguous Loss, Caregiving with Your Siblings, and Depression and Caregiving https://www.caregiver.org
- Mayo Clinic – Caregiver stress: Tips for taking care of yourself
- APA – The emotional lives of caregivers
Recommended Reading
- The Caregiver Helpbook – Powerful Tools for Caregivers
- The Emotional Survival Guide for Caregivers by Barry Jacobs
- Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence by Gail Sheehy
A Call to Action
If you are a caregiver right now, I see you. I’ve been there. My mother was there before me. And my grandmother before her.
Please hear me out on this:
✨ You and your health matters.
✨ Your feelings are valid.
✨ You do not have to carry this alone.
Please, take the time to care for yourself as you care for your loved one. And if you're someone who knows a caregiver, reach out. Don’t just say, "Let me know if you need anything." Dang-it, bring them a meal!
Show up. Sit with them. Listen without fixing.
Let’s make it okay to talk about the hard stuff, because it’s real life for so many folks, probably much more than we realize.
EM
RESOURCES:
Family Caregiver Alliance www.caregiver.org
Mayo Clinic www.mayoclinic.org
American Psychological Association www.apa.org
National Center on Elder Abuse https://ncea.acl.gov
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